Feel It to Heal It: A Guide to Sitting with Your Emotions

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How to Navigate the Big Emotions and Find Peace

Written By: Carrin Adoma

Many struggle to sit with their feelings because we often avoid discomfort, distracting ourselves with social media, work, or substances. This avoidance can stem from childhood experiences, fear of pain, or a lack of emotional coping skills. However, avoiding emotions does not make them disappear; they often resurface later as anxiety or stress.

Steps to Sit with Your Feelings:

1. Name the Emotion Without Judgment: Identify your feelings without criticism. Ask yourself what you're feeling, where you feel it in your body, and what caused it.

2. Create Space for the Emotion: Allow time to feel the emotion without reacting. This could involve sitting quietly, writing, or moving your body.

3. Use Your Body as an Anchor: Pay attention to physical sensations related to your emotions. Breathe into tightness or tension, reassuring yourself that it's safe to feel.

4. Engage in Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that emotions are temporary. Speak to yourself kindly, and “visualize”. Imagine holding your emotions gently, like comforting a younger version of yourself.

5. Express the Emotion in a Healthy Way: Let emotions move through you by journaling, engaging in creative activities, or discussing feelings with someone you trust.

6. Reflect and Integrate: After the emotion has passed, consider what it taught you and how you can honor it moving forward.

Call to Action: Try This Today

The next time you feel a strong emotion, instead of pushing it away, try this:

1. Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath and simply notice what you’re feeling.

2. Name the emotion. Say it out loud or write it down “I feel (emotion) right now.”

3. Check in with your body. Where do you feel this emotion physically? Take a moment to breathe into that space.

4. Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself: “It’s okay to feel this. This will pass.”

5. Express it. Write, move, or talk it out in a way that feels safe for you.

Final Thoughts

Emotions are messengers, not enemies. By allowing yourself to feel instead of avoiding, you build emotional strength and resilience. The next time a feeling arises, pause, name it, and breathe through it remember, you are safe to feel.

References

 Dvir, Y., Ford, J. D., Hill, M., & Frazier, J. A. (2014). Childhood maltreatment, emotional dysregulation, and psychiatric comorbidities. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 22(3), 149–161. https://doi.org/10.1097/HRP.0000000000000014

Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1993). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 102(1), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.102.1.95

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00330.x

 Pollak, S. D., Cicchetti, D., Hornung, K., & Reed, A. (2000). Recognizing emotion in faces: Developmental effects of child abuse and neglect. Developmental Psychology, 36(5), 679–688. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.36.5.679

Taylor, G. J., Bagby, R. M., & Parker, J. D. A. (1997). Disorders of affect regulation: Alexithymia in medical and psychiatric illness. Cambridge University Press.