What If the Problem Isn’t Something Inside You?
Sometimes, the discomfort you’re feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you—it may be a sign that something around you needs to change.
Written By: Mer Tahsil
About the Author
Mehrnoosh (Mer) Tahsil, Master's of Arts in Counselling Psychology (Candidate), Student Clinician, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
When we’re struggling, we often look inward.
Why am I feeling this way? Why can’t I cope better? What do I need to change about myself?
Self-reflection can be valuable. Learning about our emotions, understanding our nervous system, and developing coping strategies can help us through difficult moments.
But what if the answer isn’t always inside you?
Sometimes, our environment is stressful. It could be our workplace, family, society, friend group, or even a relationship that once felt right but doesn’t anymore.
Sometimes we become so focused on learning how to cope with an environment that we forget to ask how that environment is affecting us.
Consider noticing:
How do I feel when I’m around these people?
What happens to my energy afterward?
Do I feel like myself here?
Am I constantly trying to regulate myself just to tolerate being here?
This doesn’t mean that every uncomfortable situation needs to be left. Discomfort is part of relationships, life, and growth.
But patterns matter.
There can also be shame in admitting that something no longer feels right. But they’re my family. We’ve been friends forever. I should be grateful for this job. Maybe I just need to try harder.
There is no shame in wanting more peace.
Sometimes, the energy we spend trying to fit into an environment could be spent growing, meeting new people, finding a different workplace, building community, or creating a life that fits who we are now.
Change can be scary. You don’t have to know immediately what needs to change.
Maybe you can simply start by asking:
“How is this environment affecting me?”
And perhaps, instead of always asking “How can I cope with this better?”, we can sometimes ask:
“Is this still the right place for me?”
More About Mer
Mer is a Student Therapist pursuing her Masters of Arts in Counselling Psychology (MACP) and completing her final practicum at Therapy Uninterrupted. She is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO).
Her approach to therapy is grounded in collaboration and respect for your individual experience. Rather than following a fixed model, your work is shaped by your goals, needs, and pace. Mer strives to provide a supportive, non-judgmental environment, with regular check-ins to ensure therapy remains intentional, flexible, and aligned with what matters most to you.
Mer works with adults and adolescents navigating concerns such as anxiety, depression, emotional regulation, self-esteem, identity exploration, relationships, life and career transitions, and separation or breakups. She also support individuals experiencing ADHD-related challenges or neurodivergence and with couples.
Outside of the clinic, she enjoys art, music, and being creative in her expression of herself and her emotions.
