- Jorge Steele
- 23 hours ago
- 8 min read
Building Emotional Resilience For The Holiday Season
How Individuals and Couples Can Stay Grounded During the Holiday Season When Things Get Loud, Busy, and Emotional
Written By: Jorge Steele
About the Author
Jorge Steele, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), Student Clinician
For a lot of people, the holiday season is not just cozy lights and warm drinks. They are crowded schedules, money stress, complicated family dynamics, and old emotions that show up right on time.
If you notice yourself feeling tense, snappy, numb, or on the verge of tears during this time of year, nothing is “wrong” with you. Your nervous system is responding to a very real pileup of demands.
Emotional resilience is not about “staying positive” or pretending everything is fine. It is about having enough internal flexibility and support so that you can bend without breaking, feel your feelings without drowning in them, and recover more quickly when things get hard.
Keep reading for practical, research informed ways to build that resilience, both as an individual and as a couple.
Why The Holidays Feel So Overwhelming
Holidays stack several stressors at once:
• Family expectations and unresolved conflicts
• Financial pressure, gift giving, and travel costs
• Social overload or, for some, painful loneliness
• Grief, anniversaries, and reminders of “how things used to be”
• Pressure to create a “perfect” celebration for others
When stress builds and there is no space to process it, your usual coping starts to fray. That is where intentional resilience building comes in.
Research on stress and burnout shows that people who use active coping skills, like mindfulness, values guided choices, and problem solving, are better able to stay emotionally steady during high pressure periods (Golparvar & Parsakia, 2023; Dantis et al., 2024).
What Emotional Resilience Really Is
Emotional resilience is:
• Noticing what you feel instead of running from it
• Responding on purpose instead of reacting on autopilot
• Letting yourself be human, not perfect
• Reaching for connection and support instead of isolating
• Adjusting expectations when life does not match the picture in your head
Resilience is built. It is not a personality trait that some people have and others do not. Both individual and shared (dyadic) coping skills matter, especially in couples who are navigating stress together (Bodenmann & Shantinath, 2004; Bannon et al., 2021).
Part One: Individual Tools To Stay Grounded
These are things you can practice even if you are single, living alone, or spending the holidays far from family.
1. Name what is really going on:
Emotional resilience starts with honesty. Instead of “I hate the holidays,” try being specific:
• “I feel anxious about money.”
• “I feel guilty saying no to my family.”
• “I feel lonely seeing everyone else post about big gatherings.”
Mindfulness based coping, which is basically the skill of noticing your internal experience without exaggerating or dismissing it, has been shown to buffer against stress and burnout (Golparvar & Parsakia, 2023). A simple practice:
• Pause for 30 seconds
• Notice: What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body?
• Name it: “There is anxiety here,” or “There is sadness here.”
You do not have to fix it in that moment. Naming it already lowers intensity.
2. Loosen perfection and set “good enough” expectations:
Perfectionism is a resilience killer. The more tightly you hold a fantasy of how the holidays “should” look, the more shame and disappointment you feel when reality does not match.
Borrow from what we know about other high stress contexts, like healthcare and behavior change: people cope better when expectations are realistic, flexible, and shared with others (Dantis et al., 2024; Bokemeyer et al., 2025).
Try this:
• Write down your “ideal” holiday
• Then ruthlessly cross out 50 percent
• Circle the top 3 things that actually matter to you this year
Everything else is optional. You are allowed to choose simple over spectacular.
3. Protect basic routines, even in small doses:
Resilience is not only emotional. Your body is part of the system. Stress recovery is easier when you:
• Eat regularly, even if it is not “perfectly healthy”
• Move your body a bit each day, not to compensate, but to regulate
• Aim for a somewhat consistent sleep and wake time
You do not need a full routine overhaul. Think 10 percent improvements: one glass of water before coffee, one short walk after dinner, screens off 15 minutes earlier than usual.
4. Practice self compassion instead of self attack:
Under stress, inner criticism usually gets louder:
• “I am ruining everything.”
• “Everyone else can handle this, why can’t I?”
Self compassion means talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who is struggling. Research links compassionate coping with lower anxiety, depression, and stress across many populations (Golparvar & Parsakia, 2023; Gharaibeh et al., 2025).
Try a quick script when you catch self blame:
1. Mindfulness: “I am really overwhelmed right now.”
2. Common humanity: “A lot of people find this time hard. I am not the only one.”
3. Kindness: “Given everything on my plate, it makes sense I am at my limit. What is one small way I can support myself in this moment?”
This is not about excusing hurtful behaviour. It is about creating enough safety inside you that change becomes possible.
Part Two: Resilience As A Couple
If you are in a relationship, the holidays do not just bring your stress. They bring both of your histories, cultures, families, and expectations into the same room.
Couples who cope together, instead of turning against each other, tend to report less conflict and higher relationship satisfaction when under stress (Bodenmann & Shantinath, 2004; Bannon et al., 2021).
1. Have a “Holiday Huddle” before things get busy
Set aside 20 to 30 minutes to sit down together and talk through:
• What are each of our non negotiables this year?
• What are our “nice to have but optional” plans?
• Where do our families or traditions clash?
• Where can we compromise or alternate?
You are not just planning logistics. You are deciding, as a team, how you want this season to feel.
Research on partner support in the context of chronic stress shows that feeling understood and backed up by your partner has a huge impact on emotional resilience (Daniel et al., 2025). A simple question to anchor this:
“What is one thing I can do this week that would lower your holiday stress by 10 percent?”
Then actually do it for each other.
2. Share the load, practically and emotionally:
Holiday labor is not only about who buys gifts or cooks. It is also emotional labor: remembering who gets what, anticipating reactions, smoothing tension, holding the worry about money or conflict.
Try listing everything that needs to happen and mark:
• Tasks I will take lead on
• Tasks you will take lead on
• Tasks we will do together
• Tasks we will simply drop this year
This is not about perfect fairness, but about transparency and teamwork instead of simmering resentment.
3. Use a shared coping plan in tricky situations
Before you walk into a potentially tense gathering, agree on:
• A signal word or gesture that means “I need support”
• A time limit you both feel okay with
• An exit plan if things get too heated or overwhelming
This kind of concrete dyadic coping, where partners actively respond to stress together, has been found to help couples manage serious life stressors more effectively (Bannon et al., 2021).
Mindfulness And Self Compassion You Can Use Together
You can combine individual and relational resilience practices in simple ways:
• Take 5 slow breaths together in the car before going into a family event
• After a hard evening, ask each other, “What was most activating for you?” and listen without solving
• End the night with a short check in: one thing you appreciated about each other that day, even if it was small
Again, research across different high stress situations, from parenting a child with autism to navigating health challenges, suggests that when people use mindful, compassionate coping and feel supported, they report lower levels of emotional distress (Gharaibeh et al., 2025; Daniel et al., 2025).
When The Holidays Stir Up Old Wounds
For some, holidays bring up trauma, grief, or very painful family histories. You might notice:
• Flashbacks or intense body reactions
• Urges to numb out with substances, food, work, or social media
• Deep loneliness, even when surrounded by people
If that is your reality, “just be grateful” is not helpful advice. Resilience here might look like:
• Limiting or skipping gatherings that are genuinely harmful
• Creating new, safer traditions with chosen family or alone
• Grounding practices that bring you back to the present moment
• Reaching out for professional help if you feel yourself slipping into old patterns that scare you
You are allowed to design holidays that do not look like anyone else’s.
When It Might Be Time To Reach Out For Support
Consider connecting with a therapist if:
• Your anxiety, depression, or irritability feel constant or unmanageable
• You and your partner feel stuck in the same fights without movement
• You notice increased use of alcohol, substances, or other numbing strategies
• Old trauma symptoms are getting louder around this time of year
You do not have to wait for a full crisis to ask for help. Sometimes having a neutral, trained person in your corner is exactly what makes resilience possible, because you are no longer carrying everything alone.
Next Steps
At Therapy Uninterrupted, we work with individuals and couples who feel overwhelmed by this season, whether because of family dynamics, financial pressure, grief, or the emotional weight of simply trying to hold it all together. If you want structured support to build emotional resilience, you can book a free video consultation with me and see if we are a good fit. I am also a part of our clinic's Affordable Therapy Program, offering low-cost support to people who need it. Getting support and guidance to shift these ingrained patterns can make the process much more bearable. Book your consultation using the button below!
References
Bannon, S., Grunberg, V., Reichman, M., Popok, P., Traeger, L., Dickerson, B., … & Vranceanu, A. (2021). Thematic analysis of dyadic coping in couples with young onset dementia. JAMA Network Open, 4(4), e216111. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2021.6111
Bodenmann, G., & Shantinath, S. (2004). The couples coping enhancement training (CCET): A new approach to prevention of marital distress based upon stress and coping. Family Relations, 53(5), 477–484. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0197-6664.2004.00056.x
Bokemeyer, F., Springorum, J., Lebherz, L., Bokemeyer, C., Schulz, H., Gali, K., … & Freitag, J. (2025). Formerly smoking and currently smoking cancer survivors’ view on smoking cessation – a qualitative study. Tobacco Use Insights, 18. https://doi.org/10.1177/1179173X251355531
Daniel, N., Edelstein, R., Salwi, S., Valera, J., & Polenick, C. (2025). “I am not sure what else I could do to help her more”: Perceptions of partner support in older couples living with multiple chronic conditions. Journal of Applied Gerontology, 44(11), 1762–1771. https://doi.org/10.1177/07334648251316655
Dantis, J., Calibara, M., Bulawit, A., Garcia, H., Gulapa, M., Ervite, A., … & Loilo, E. (2024). Work related stressors and coping strategies of nurses in a selected tertiary hospital in a city in the Philippines. European Modern Studies Journal, 8(1), 77–100. https://doi.org/10.59573/emsj.8(1).2024.9
Gharaibeh, M., Ayasrah, M., Al Rousan, A., Khasawneh, Y., & Khasawneh, M. (2025). Parental stress and coping in autism spectrum disorder: A network analysis of internalizing and externalizing symptoms in children with autism spectrum disorder. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 32(3). https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.70100
Golparvar, M., & Parsakia, K. (2023). Building resilience: Psychological approaches to prevent burnout in health professionals. KMAN Counsel and Psych Nexus, 1(1), 159–166. https://doi.org/10.61838/kman.psychnexus.1.1.18
